Last night, our family of five sat around a campfire and talked and laughed. We spent a good amount of time talking about the horror of Grimm’s Fairy Tails and the story of Brian Robeson, the main character in the book Hatchet. The gist of that story is that Brian’s parents get a divorce, his mother gives him a hatchet and sends him to the Canadian wilderness to spend some time with his dad. She puts him on a plane, which crashes in a lake, leaving him the sole survivor. He must learn to survive. After Ezra (13) and Elizabeth (11) finished telling me about Brian’s adventures, Ezra brought up the idea of creating some adventure for me and him.
He told me that he thinks we should go out into the woods for a few nights with as little gear as possible and see if we can survive. Our recent roughest experience was when we stayed in our RV at a campground that had no electrical hookups. We did have electricity provided by our RV though. We had running water. We had a heater. We had food. Now, he wants to take some flint and steel into the woods, maybe a tent and sleeping bags (no air mattress, he said), and no food or water. He wants to catch fish, clean fish, and cook fish all while drinking the same water that the fish are pooing in.
Now, to be completely honest, I would rather not. But, maybe that’s a sign that I need to. For me. For him. For us. Male rites of passage are not really a thing in western culture, aside from military boot camp, some religious practices, and the 21st birthday bash. In other parts of the world, boys as young as eight years old are going into rites of passage rituals and coming out “men.” I use quotation marks because I wonder how an eight-year-old can be considered a man? I must confess that some of the things they have to endure put them into a category of manhood that I will never be a part of like land diving. Beyond that are things that I find morally questionable and downright disgusting.
As I was reading about some cultural male rites of passage, I asked myself what a man truly is. Is a man someone who can jump off a tower of sticks and not die? Is a man someone who can jump on top of a cow, naked, and run across the backs of a herd? Is a man someone who can withstand being bitten on the hand by hundreds of bullet ants? I thank God I was born in Florida where weird only goes so far.
I feel that my rite of passage into manhood began with my dad’s teachings and examples throughout my childhood and it continued through my going to Marine Corps boot camp on Parris Island. But I believe I passed into manhood after I married. Even at the age of 24, I was pretty immature and am grateful that my wife, Kayla, saw through that. I want my sons to be better than I was. I want their future wives to see the good without having to peer past immature skin. So I am going to continue doing what I can to instill the things into my sons that I believe a man should embody. A man should (in no particular order):
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- Have Integrity
- Love & Respect Others
- Follow Through
- Take Care of His Appearance
- Have a Strong Work Ethic
- Value Purity
- Have Self-Control
- Have a Good Sense of Humor
- Take Responsibility for His Actions
- Be Self-Reliant
- Have Confidence
- Listen Before Speaking
- Be Humble
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Notice: Six-pack abs and a beard are not on the list.
I believe Ezra is on a good path already, having brought up the desire to do something difficult just for the sake of doing something difficult. We have told our children that hard times make a person stronger. Learning how to do new things makes a person smarter. Getting out of one’s comfort zone makes a person better and capable of handling whatever life throws their way. Ezra has learned that he can do things he had previously thought he could not do. He is a mostly self-taught piano player and what he plays is enjoyable to listen to. He is excelling in his calculus work which he also learned on his own by reading the math book and doing the lessons. But when it comes to difficulties, actually struggling to get food to eat and water to drink, neither one of us is experienced.
I am prepared to do something. Whatever we decide to do, I want to be sure that we are safe and that we have necessary emergency supplies including first aid and water (only to be used if we simply cannot find a source). I do have some survival skills. I should anyway, considering my past. As a child, I was a Royal Ranger which is basically a church-based Boy Scout. Of course, I have my Marine Corps training and a bachelor’s degree in Emergency and Disaster Management. So. if I die after only three days in the woods, my training has failed me…or I have failed my training (depending on how my drill instructor would look at it).
I am envisioning that Ezra and I will have the rest of the family drop us off at a trailhead and then we will venture into the woods with a plan to meet them at some other point down the physical line, a few days later. Of course, they will have some chicken biscuits and coffee for us.
We will need to determine exactly what gear we will take with us. According to the experts, we will need the following in order to survive:
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- Knife
- Water
- Flashlight
- First Aid Kit
- Fishing Line or Dental Floss
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- Map
- Compass
- Sleeping Bag
- Shelter
- Fire Starters
- Whistle
- Signal Mirror
- Personal Locator Beacon
- Hatchet
- Nylon Braided Cord
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I find it interesting that none of the lists I found said anything about nunchuck skills or bow fighting skills or basic hunting skills. I imagine we’ll just have to get by without those.
I’m assuming we could make it without having a personal locator beacon. But, it appears that we have some shopping to do. Goodwill is likely going to be an ideal place to look for a used tent, sleeping bags and maybe even a compass. I think I’ll buy a new whistle though.
We will print a map of the area we’ll be hiking and carry it with us in a plastic baggie
Ezra has recently decided that he wants to start writing some blog posts on our family’s travel website and he is looking forward to this trip being something that he can write about along with posts about fishing and baking.
I hope that whatever activities we choose to take part in, the general mission is realized. I want this to be a coming of age, a rite of passage, a bonding between father and son event that will be fondly remembered in years to come. Perhaps we will start a tradition of sorts, but not repeat the same adventure every year. Our current life is taking us around the country in our RV and the future could hold something completely different for us in a different part of the world.
I look forward to this adventure with him and I look forward to doing something similar with Elijah (7) when he’s 13 or 14. By that time, Ezra will be an adult and may be off doing his own thing, heading out on his own adventures. Maybe he will join me and Elijah at some point in the future as we all take a journey together through the woods or the desert or across an ocean on a sailboat. As long as I keep showing them that I care, I think they’ll stay close in spirit. But I hope they venture off creating their own lives, not of someone else’s design. I want it to be a life that they are proud of. And I’ll want them to move on so that Kayla and I can enjoy our empty nest life when the time comes.