The more involved in writing and creating I become, the more separated I feel from my income producing work. I understand a bit how some of the great artists died penniless. They must have been so focused on creating art or writing that they set aside the need for producing an income. The danger lies in setting aside the work that can give me the opportunity to live my dream of writing and otherwise creating for a living. An endless cycle of roller coaster income and emotions awaits me and my family should I ever abandon my efforts in the pursuit of success at the office. We’ve experienced it before when I’ve gotten excited about creating and placed unrealistic expectations on the results of my work to produce an income immediately. At the same time knowing full well that it takes time, quite a long time, to produce income from creative efforts unless something you create goes viral. And I’m not too sure how positive the effect of something going viral is. A meteoric rise is probably not a good thing when it comes to creative work. I think that’s how people end up with a crazy following on YouTube that they’ve garnered by being creative and providing unique content, but then falling into doing the same things as everyone else and they end up in a bathtub full of Jello, holding an oversized spoon, trying to get views. That is not where I want to end up. I don’t like being sticky and I assume Jello is sticky especially after it has been pressed against a body in a bathtub.
I shall take my guidance from the likes of Wallace Stevens, the famous poet, who worked as an insurance attorney for many years and even took eight years off from writing, when his daughter was born, to focus on his insurance career and parenting. Frank O’Hara wrote many of his poems while on his lunch break at the Museum of Modern Art in New York where he worked as a clerk and associate curator. Continuous, consistent creating and patience while toiling away at ones day job is the key. A few weeks ago, I told my wife that I realized I had a problem with delayed gratification and she grabbed my shoulders, widened her eyes and shook me with every word while saying, “How-are-you-just-realizing-this-now? Oh, you are so not self aware.” Then she reminded me about how I can’t even wait to give someone a gift for a birthday or a special occasion. I imagine it’s the suspense of finding out if my gift is good or if the person will be rejecting me based on the gift. Either way, I am very aware, now, that I have a severe problem with delayed gratification when it comes to certain things.
On the other hand, I am perfectly willing to do what I need to do now in order to gain entrance to Heaven whenever that may be.
So, I shall continue my forward motion on the job whilst creating and preparing for the future possibilities on the other side of corporate pursuits. Let me know, in the comments section, how you deal with similar feelings and situations in your life.